Thursday, September 3, 2009

Failing relationships

It's a dark, cold, and rainy morning in Frankfurt. My cousin and I were having an interesting email conversation about failing relationships. Becoming an expat really separates the wheat from the chaff, but some relationships were failing long before we moved to Germany. I made the statement that people can fall into a pattern of "doing things" to avoid having a real relationship. They insist on spending time together, but not quality time, which constitutes a waste of time in my book. My cousin mentioned a school of thought (credited to a book by Dr. Gary Chapman) that there are basically 5 ways people express love:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Corny, but interesting. So, apparently I really like Quality Time and Acts of Service. Sit down with me, call me on Skype, or email and lets talk about our common interests and shared experiences. Offer to load the dishwasher for me and I will be feeling loved for the rest of the day!! Words of Affirmation are nice, but in the end, they are just words unless actions follow suit. Receiving gifts is alright if it is coming from someone that truly loves me with no strings attached. And Physical Touch? I like my personal space, thank you! I make a huge exception for Gianna, I really like her gentle little hugs that don't dislocate my shoulder and I love to kiss her little cheeks. The point is, this book (which I only read summaries and excerpts from) has encouraged me to try some of these other languages of love on other people, because maybe that's the language they've been speaking all along. Why don't you try some of them too?
Posted by Barbit at 8:34 AM
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3 comments:

  1. Georgie Fear, RD, CPTSeptember 3, 2009 at 3:17 PM

    I read that book, or at least looked it over in B&N! It's interesting, because I think we all do have our own languages of love, so we need to make sure we (at least some of the time) communicate to people in their language. Which means paying attention to the language that they are most receptive to, not necessarily what we would want.

    Sweet photo!

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  2. PriscillaSeptember 3, 2009 at 8:55 PM

    At least Gia M. is kissing you. Spiderman kisses me like he is breastfeeding. Wet, sloppy, and some suction.

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  3. BarbitSeptember 4, 2009 at 9:04 AM

    That is exactly what I was getting at Georgie, but you said it better.

    Thankfully Gianna doesn't do to many sloppy wet ones, but occasionally she licks me when she is pretending to be a dog.

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