We have started planning a trip to the US and it has me thinking about our old life. I went into a gourmet kitchen store yesterday and almost broke down in tears. Everything was so beautiful; wow do I miss all my nice kitchen stuff. This time of the year I also miss going to the shore every weekend. But I'm not the only one missing my old life. Gianna has started talking about "old Mẹ". At first I wasn't sure what she was saying, as she often wants to put on my make-up and I tell her it's only for old hags like Mẹ. But today it became clear, she is talking about her old house mothers from the orphanage in Vietnam. She drew a picture and I asked her what it was. She replied "old Mẹ". Then she said "Gianna like old Mẹ". I asked her if she also liked new Mẹ and thankfully she replied yes! Then she said she misses old Mẹ and misses Vietnam. I just got some Vietnam photos delivered from Snapfish, so we pulled out any picture that had a house mother. Then I asked her which one was her old Mẹ? She pointed to every one of the caretakers in the photos, but never pointed to me. Then I asked her which photos she wanted to put in her photo album. She only picked out photos of one particular house mother that she had a special bond with. This is hard for me, as one of my deepest fears is that we will never really bond and she will grow up saying "you're not my real mom!" But I want her to cherish the memories of the women who were mother to her for her first two years. So we filled the rest of her photo album with photos of all the Vietnamese Mẹ pictures we could find. Now it is full of her friends from Vietnam, caretakers from Vietnam, and a few pictures of her new Mẹ and Bố (who, as she informs me, is neither new or old since she never had a Bố before this Bố).
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Old Mẹ
We have started planning a trip to the US and it has me thinking about our old life. I went into a gourmet kitchen store yesterday and almost broke down in tears. Everything was so beautiful; wow do I miss all my nice kitchen stuff. This time of the year I also miss going to the shore every weekend. But I'm not the only one missing my old life. Gianna has started talking about "old Mẹ". At first I wasn't sure what she was saying, as she often wants to put on my make-up and I tell her it's only for old hags like Mẹ. But today it became clear, she is talking about her old house mothers from the orphanage in Vietnam. She drew a picture and I asked her what it was. She replied "old Mẹ". Then she said "Gianna like old Mẹ". I asked her if she also liked new Mẹ and thankfully she replied yes! Then she said she misses old Mẹ and misses Vietnam. I just got some Vietnam photos delivered from Snapfish, so we pulled out any picture that had a house mother. Then I asked her which one was her old Mẹ? She pointed to every one of the caretakers in the photos, but never pointed to me. Then I asked her which photos she wanted to put in her photo album. She only picked out photos of one particular house mother that she had a special bond with. This is hard for me, as one of my deepest fears is that we will never really bond and she will grow up saying "you're not my real mom!" But I want her to cherish the memories of the women who were mother to her for her first two years. So we filled the rest of her photo album with photos of all the Vietnamese Mẹ pictures we could find. Now it is full of her friends from Vietnam, caretakers from Vietnam, and a few pictures of her new Mẹ and Bố (who, as she informs me, is neither new or old since she never had a Bố before this Bố).
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She may always have a fondness for her old Me and it may take a few years for you to feel as if she is truly bonded to you but it will come.
ReplyDeleteA friend from church has adopted 5 kids over the years (adopted as young as 2 and as old as 11). At church someone commented on how much the kids are growing and the mom said that they were taller than her now. I thought it was extremely touching when some of the kids made her mom stand back to back with them so they could see who was taller. "I'm almost as tall as mom" or "I'm taller than mom." Genetically, we all knew these Asian chihldren had no ties to two white folks from Jersey but the emotional tie was there. They aspired to be like mom.
I saw my counsin-in-law grow up as an adopted daughter. I will not lie to you... there were times when she would be a typical teenage girl and say mean things to her mother and her brother like "You are not my real family" or some thing else along those lines. But heck, even in my family when we get mad at each other we say stupid things in anger like "We wish we were adopted!"
ReplyDeleteGianna might very well say some of those things you are worried about, but in her heart she will not mean them. She will probally say those things when you ground her or tell her she cannot have the car for the night! ;) But as my cousin-in-law grew up to be the beautiful, well-adjusted, family loving person she is now as an adult... so will Gianna... and those difficult teen years will be over! =)